Waiter joke archive
(Autumn 2004)

These are funny because although the customer is angrily complaining, the waiter never interprets the customer's remarks as a complaint. For example, in the first joke, we know that the customer is angry because no one would want to eat food made dirty by flies. However, .the waiter assumes that the customer is glad that there is a fly in the soup, as if flies were a rare delicacy. The fact that the customer is socially superior to the waiter is also part of the joke, since the waiter is (deliberately?) misunderstanding what the customer is trying to say.

1. Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!

• Ssh, don't speak so loud. The other guests will want one too!
  

2. Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!

• Don't worry sir, he's so small that he won't drink very much of it!!

3. Waiter, waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup!

• Yes sir, he's doing the crawl*. Please encourage him by giving him a cheer or two!!
• *a) a style of swimming; b) a verb used to describe the way in which insects move on the ground and other surfaces.

4. Waiter, waiter, your thumb is in my soup!

• Don't worry, sir! The soup isn't very hot.

5. Waiter, waiter, there are some tiny flies in my wine!

• Don't worry, sir! They may look tiny but they're over the legal drinking age for flies.

6. Waiter, waiter, there's a dead fly in my wine!

• What's wrong, sir? You told me that you liked wine with a little body* in it!
• *a) the body of a dead person (or here, fly); b) a strong (alcoholic) flavour.

7. Waiter, waiter, there's a dead fly in my wine!

• Oh no! I warned him not to drink and swim*. If he had kept to soup he might have been a medal-winner in the next fly Olympics.
• * 'to drink and drive' means to drive while under the influence of alcohol, which is - of course - illegal. 'To drink and swim' therefore means...?

8. Waiter, waiter, there is a spider in my wine!

• That's right sir! We've employed him to catch the flies.

9. Waiter, waiter, there's no soup on the menu* today!

• That's right sir! I wiped all the menus yesterday as part of our annual pre-Christmas clean-up. It's really encouraging to know that our customers notice these little details.
• *'on the menu' means 'displayed on the menu as one of the dishes available'; however, the waiter misunderstands, and thinks that the customer is referring to the lack of soup stains on the menu.

10. Waiter, waiter, there's a cockroach in my soup!

• That's right sir! He's volunteered to take over while the fly visits his mother over Christmas. If you look carefully, you can see that he's wearing a little red hat and has a white beard.

11. Waiter, waiter, I want to complain to the chef.

• I'm afraid his dinner break has just started. He'll be at the restaurant next door as usual.
• Of course, the point is that if the chef is unwilling to eat the meals at the restaurant where s/he cooks, there must be something very wrong. Hence the custom in some restaurants to hang up a sign saying 'Le chef mange ici' (The chef eats here).

12. Why do waiters prefer elephants to flies?

• Have you ever heard anyone complaining of an elephant in their soup?
  This is really an elephant joke. Of course, we know that the reason why no one ever complains about having an elephant in their soup is because it could never happen. However, the implication here is that no one complains because they like having elephants in their soup, although they always complain if there is a fly.(For more elephant jokes, click here.)