Feedback on opinion paragraphs

1.    赤、赤、赤

This is not because your English is bad, but because I have so much to tell you! Most people wrote interesting paragraphs and showed that they could write English well. I have put a red circle around particularly good sentences or parts of sentences and added an asterisk ( * ).

2.    I gave you three topics: an opinion about something related to the news; an opinion about what teachers should do; or an opinion about the jobs that economics graduates should do. Some students gave opinions about something else. If you copied a paragraph from the internet, or based your paragraph on something from a textbook, or a homework you did at a juku, you have gone against the Study Skills guidelines!!

3.    I have evaluated your work according to the format, structure/content, grammar etc., and unity/coherence and said that it was excellent, good, fair, or poor. I have used the “code” in the Paragraph Checklist to indicate problems, and have also made written comments. If you do not understand the code or my comments, or if you cannot read my writing, PLEASE ASK!

4.    FORMAT: Some students did not follow the format. For example, they forgot to write credit lines, or put them in the wrong place, or used double spacing instead of single spacing (F2). Some students did not indent their paragraph (F3); some students did not use double spacing in the main text (F5), etc. (PLEASE NOTE: In some cases, I have written F5 (double-spacing) by mistake instead of F6 (punctuation). Similarly, in some cases I have written F6 (punctuation) instead of F5 (double-spacing)...

5.    STRUCTURE/CONTENT: Some students did not have three SP, or had no SS (S2); some had SP that were not logically connected to the TS (S3), or had no conclusion (S4). In other cases, they made statements that were not based on evidence.

6.    SPELLING AND GRAMMAR: Some students had problems with the use of articles (SG1) (for example, “the Japanese government”/ "an earthquake" or "earthquakes"). There were also problems with agreement (SG2) (for example, “many cars”); abbreviations (SG3) (“cannot” not “can’t); other grammar points and the meaning and use of vocabulary (SG5). Some students wrote in a style that was personal rather than “academic”, for example using “I think” or “I do not agree” instead of expressions such as “It is clear that”, “It seems that”, “The government should not”.

Here are some quizzes so that you can test yourselves:
a) SG1 (from the Activities for ESL Students site) "A, An or [Nothing]"and "A, An, The or [Nothing], both by Charles Kelly, and "A, An, The, or (Nothing)", by Larry Davies. (This quiz on "much, many" etc. from the Capital Community College may also be helpful);
b) SG2 (from the Capital Community College Guide to Grammar and Writing) Test 1, and this one, from the Purdue University Online Writing Lab.

In the case of SG5, you should probably check in an English dictionary to see how the word/words is/are used.
For example: "success" is a noun (名詞) in English, not a verb　(動詞). The verb is "to succeed".
Kei Nishikori is a success.
Kei Nishikori has succeeded in gaining a high world ranking at tennis.

Note how the verb "to invest" is used:
If many people invest in a company, the price of its shares will rise.

(2 tips for learning vocabulary: Learn how the word is used, and also learn words related to it. Learn words in sentences.
For example:
Investors make investments by investing in companies.)

7.    UNITY AND COHERENCE: Some sentences puzzled me as I read them because they did not seeme to be logically connected to the sentence that came before (UC1). In the case of other sentences, a transition word or phrase would have made the link with the previous sentence easier to understand (UC3).

At the end, I have given all of you instructions for the rewrite. In most cases, I have asked you to change one or two things, and correct other things. In some cases, I have asked you to talk to me before I decide how you should rewrite. Please make sure that you understand what to do. DO NOT CHANGE MORE THAN I HAVE ASKED YOU TO CHANGE!

You must submit your rewrite AND the version that I am returning today (with the red on) at the beginning of Class #12.

You might also be interested in these parts of my home page: 英語の学習法, 英語で発信すること, Tip of the Week.