BC 2015: Comments on Writing 1

I really enjoyed reading your essays. Everyone had something interesting to say. It was clear that some of you had more experience of academic writing than others, but those who have not had much experience up till now will have many chances to improve if they go on taking English classes here.

You may be shocked to see all the red. But the amount of red is not directly related to the standard of your essay. I make comments about the content, what I agree with as well as what I do not completely understand or accept. I also pay attention to the format, structure, vocabulary and style. I try to show you how to express your ideas with greater clarity, and in a way that is "more academic", meaning a way that is less "chatty" and emotional.

What I would like you to do with the essays now:

Please read my feedback carefuly. Do not hesitate to ask if you do not understand what I have written, or to tell me if you do not agree. The remarks below should help.

I have asked everyone to do a rewrite. In most cases, I have asked students to rewrite the content and/or structure of just one part. If you want to change the content of more than that, please talk to me first. I would also like students to improve the format and grammar/style of the whole essay in accordance with my suggestions.

In one or two cases, I have asked students to talk to me before I specify what I would like you to rewrite. In that case, please arrange an appointment.

Content:
Some of you supported Seaton's argument and some of you disagreed with him, but what did Seaton actually say? Moreover, what did the BBC say (at least according to Seaton)?

Seaton does not himself criticise manga and anime. Neither does he comment on the accuracy of the BBC's representation of manga and Japanese movies. He is saying that if the BBC's view is a possible public perception of Japanese popular culture, the Japanese government might be unwise to promote it - because it might look as if the Japanese government supported the open distribution of content that was censored in other countries.

Many of you assumed that the export of popular culture could revive the Japanese economy. Only one or two students gave figures of any kind. How significant in terms of Japan's overall GNP is the revenue from Japanese popular culture? How much larger might it become? How does this compare to the revenue earned by U.S. popular culture?

The working conditions in the manga and anime industries are another factor that might be relevant.

Sources:
Some of you used sources and cited them, and even criticized Seaton for his use of sources. Finding relevant sources and citing them correctly is an important skill that will be covered later in the course. Sources must be reliable. They must also support the point that you are trying to make. At least two students found sources but did not read them carefully enough. The sources contradicted the point that they wanted to make.

There was some plagiarism. Be really careful about this.

Writing:
For more detailed information about this, click here. This includes links to quizzes that you can do to reinforce your knowledge of grammar.

Italics are used to give the titles of books, newspapers, manga, movies etc. For example: Doraemon and Nobita are the main characters in the anime called Doraemon.

Academic Style (SG3)
This should be "objective", which means (among other things), avoiding "I think", "In my opinion", "you", "we (Japanese)" etc. When you read the textbook, notice how Tsutsui expresses his opinion.
It should also be accurate. Wherever possible, give actual figures, dates etc. rather than estimates.
It should be concise. Avoid repetition (REP), though repetition of key words and phrases is allowed to a certain extent.
It should be formal, but clear. Slang should be avoided, and full verb forms should be used. (For example, "is not" rather than "isn't".)

Use of vocabulary (SG5 D)
Sometimes students used a word that did not mean what they thought it did. This can be the result of interference from Japanese. One example of this is "appeal", which does not necessarily mean exactly the same as 訴える.
Sometimes they did not know how the word should be used. It is very important to check how one word is linked to other words. (One example is "agree with" versus "agree to".) Again, difficulties can occur when Japanese and English have different patterns ( 影響を与える/及ぼす versus "have/exert an influence").

"Culture" versus "cultures"
Many students wanted to talk about anime, for example, as "one of Japanese pop cultures", but this sounds strange. It is possible to talk about "Japan as having one of the most vibrant pop cultures in Asia", but anime is "one aspect/feature of Japanese pop culture". I think that this is because culture is associated with particular groups, as in "Each country in the world has its own distinctive culture.", so that Japanese pop culture is considered to form one coherent whole.