Advice on rewriting papers

The following information should help you to understand the code that I use when correcting your papers.

If you have general difficulty with "grammar", try the explanations and quizzes on the website of Capital Community College. The general index is here (via the Internet Archive). There is no need to work through it all at once. Do a little bit at a time. Another possibility is the ALC Net Academy, which is designed for speakers of Japanese, and is made available by the 外国語教育研究センター.

If you need help with these, or find that neither of them suits your learning style, please ask me for advice....

1. If a word or group of words has a red D above it, this means that you need to check either the meaning of a word, or the way in which you are using it.

One major problem is 'interference' from Japanese. Here is an example:

Television and the internet are examples of close media.
The student who wrote this used 'close' in the sense of 身近な. However, in English it would be more natural to say 'familiar media' or 'media which are part of our everyday life'. In other words, although the nearest English equivalent for 身近な友達 is 'close friends', this does not mean that the word 'close' has exactly the same meaning as 身近な.

Here are some more words that cause problems for this reason.

a) the verb 'know'.

Which of the following sentences use 'know' in the wrong way? What is the reason for the problem? How can the awkward sentence(s) be corrected?

i) Do you know the result of the baseball game?

ii) I can know the result of the baseball game by reading the newspaper.

iii) I knew the result of the baseball game by reading the newspaper.

iii) We know a lot about television, but little about who owns it.

The awkward sentences are ii) and iii). To find out why, and how to correct them, click here and look at 1 c).

b) Check the meaning of the verb 'play'. 「遊ぶ」refers to what you do when you are not working. However, while adults 'play games', including tennis or chess, it is normally children who just 'play'. The sentence below would therefore be fine if Taro is nine years old.

On Sundays, Taro often goes to Shibuya to play with his friends.

If Taro is a university student, however, the following would be more appropriate:
On Sundays, Taro often goes to Shibuya to have a good time with his friends/to relax with his friends.

c) The word 'influence' can be either a noun or a verb. The closest Japanese equivalent to 'influence' is 「影響」. This is used as follows:
「影響する」,「影響を与える」.
However, note how 'influence' is used.
Television influences our view of the world. (verb)
Television has an influence on our view of the world. (noun)
Television exerts an influence on our view of the world. (noun).
(Although 「与える」is normally translated as 'give', 'give' is not used with 'influence' in English.)

Other things to note:

Many words have two adjectival forms with different meanings (for example, 'interested' and 'interesting'). What is wrong here?
This television program is bored.
I am boring because this television program is not interesting.

Avoid using 'man' or 'men' when you do not mean to exclude women. Use 'person' or 'people' instead.

Men are responsible for most of the violence in this world.
Men are beginning to take global warming seriously.

In the second sentence, the writer probably meant 'people' rather than men.

For the correct use of "most" (and some other tricky words and phrases), click here.

Prepositions (前置詞) are another troublesome aspect of English vocabulary. If you have used the wrong preposition with a word, I have EITHER underlined both the word and the preposition and written "D" above the word, OR I have written "PREP" above a place where there should be a preposition, or over a preposition that has been wrongly used.
What can you do to improve your use of prepositions? Here are some suggestions:

a) When you learn vocabulary that you might want to use yourself, learn it in a sentence which will help you to remember how it uses prepositions.
In particular, take note of cases such as discuss/discussion:

They discussed whaling./They had a discussion about whaling.
We must ban whaling./We need a ban on whaling.
Whalemeat demands a high price./The demand for whalemeat is high.
Some countries oppose whaling./Some countries are opposed to whaling.
Other countries support whaling./Other countries are in support of whaling.

(Can you see a rule here?)

b) Make lists of sentences in which the same preposition is used. Try to work out the characteristics of each preposition in a way that makes sense to you.
For explanations of prepositions, see this page (from Purdue University)
Here are some quizzes: easy (by Nuala Ivic), or this one (by Vera Mello); medium (by Charles Kelly), or this one (also by Charles Kelly). There are also seven "difficult" quizzes by Ted Power, which test your knowledge of vocabulary patterns: no. 1, no. 2, no. 3, no. 4, no. 5, no. 6, and no. 7.

c) When revising your written work, check that you have used prepositions correctly.

d) Do not let your knowledge of Japanese confuse you. A particular problem is caused by 「に対する」, which should not be automatically translated as 'against'. For example, the English equivalent to 「捕鯨に対する意見」is a phrase like 'an opinion about whaling/an opinion with regard to whaling'. 'An opinion against whaling' specifically refers to an opinion that opposes whaling. Note also the following:

We should listen carefully to all the arguments about global warming before we make up our minds.
Most of the arguments against global warming come from politicians rather than scientists.

2. COLL or SG3b in red above a word means that it is too colloquial for use in academic writing. An example would be 'kids' instead of 'children'.

For more advice about vocabulary, click here.

Style

A. "PRESENTATION STYLE" or SG3dmeans that you have used language which would be fine in a presentation, but which is not suited to academic writing. This is because the speaker in a presentation is talking directly to the audience but a writer is not. The writer must be aware of the needs of readers while writing, but the relationship is impersonal. As a result, there are important differences between presentation language and written language.

1. In the introduction to a presentation, you can say: In this presentation I will talk to you about the good and bad points of television. I will examine three points: A, B and C.

However academic writing should be not be personal or conversational, so there is a tendency to avoid the use of 'I' and 'you'. The introduction to an academic paper should therefore be more impersonal, and also concise: This paper will examine the good and bad points of television with reference to the following three aspects: A, B and C.
Or: In order to consider the merits and demerits of television, we must examine the following three aspects: A., B and C.

2. It is very easy to start a new section of a presentation. You just need to say something like: Next I would like to talk about the good aspects of television. Although people make many criticisms of television,... . However, this is not appropriate for academic writing. What can you do instead? When reading, you should notice how other writers deal with this problem. However, here are some possible strategies:
a) If you are writing quite a long paper, you can use sub-headings for different parts of the body. For example:

The good aspects of television
Although television is heavily criticised for having a bad influence on society, research has shown that...

b) You can start with a sentence that draws attention to your main point (a topic sentence). For example:
However, despite the criticisms mentioned above, television has many good aspects. In fact, research has shown that...

B. REP means that you are repeating the same word or words too frequently. Note that you should avoid using a word more than once or twice in a group of three or four sentences unless it is a key word. Even key words should not be used in every single sentence. Instead, use different word(s) with similar meanings, or pronouns.

For example, how can you improve the following?
a) Amnesty International is an international organization that supports human rights, especially the human rights of prisoners. Amnesty International has branches in countries all over the world, including Japan.

The obvious way is to use 'It' instead of the second 'Amnesty International'. Alternatively, you could find a different noun to refer to Amnesty International. 'The organization' (or even 'This famous organization') would be possible, but 'organization' has already been used in the first sentence.An alternative would be 'This famous NPO'.

b) In the twentieth century, the whale population was driven to the edge of extinction by commercial whaling. In 1986, therefore, agreement was reached for a moratorium on commercial whaling, under the auspices of the IWC. As a result, Japan has given up commercial whaling and only engages in whaling for the purposes of scientific research. However, some environmental groups argue that whaling for the purposes of scientific research is just commercial whaling in disguise. The main reason why some environmental groups argue that whaling for the purposes of scientific research is just commercial whaling in disguise is that the remains of whales killed for the purposes of scientific research are sold to restaurants.

Here is my version:

In the twentieth century, the whale population was driven to the edge of extinction by commercial whaling. In 1986, therefore, agreement was reached for a moratorium under the auspices of the IWC. As a result, Japan has given up commercial whaling and only engages in whaling for the purposes of scientific research. However, environmental groups such as Greenpeace argue that this is just commercial whaling in disguise. The main reason for this argument is the fact that the remains of whales killed for the purposes of scientific research are sold to restaurants.

In this case, some repetition of 'commercial whaling' is acceptable because it is a key phrase.

C. JOIN between two sentences means that they should be joined together, probably because they are too short. Too many short sentences will make your writing seem childish, and make it hard for the reader to understand how your ideas are connected.There is advice on how to join short sentences and a quiz to give you practice in joining them from the Capital Community College's Guide to Grammar & Writing

Transitions (words and phrases such as 'however', 'so that' etc.)

These show the reader how your sentences and paragraphs are linked together. (Notice how they can help you when you are the reader.)

If I have underlined a transition word, this is because you have used it incorrectly. Remember that you should avoid using 'So' or 'Also' to start a sentence in academic English. Instead of 'So' you should use words or phrases such as 'Therefore' or 'As a result'; instead of 'Also' you should use words or phrases such as 'Moreover', or 'In addition'.

Here are some of the ways in which transitions can link sentences or paragraphs. Can you think of some examples of each type?

a) to show the order of events or the order in which you are listing points:

b) to show that you are adding to what has gone before:

c) to show that you are giving the result of what has gone before:

d) to show that you are going to present something which contradicts what has gone before:

e) to indicate that you are beginning your closing remarks:

Examples of type a) are 'First', 'Second', 'Next'.
Examples of type b) are 'Moreover', 'In addition'.
Examples of type c) are 'As a result', 'so that'
Exampes of type d) are 'However', 'but'.
Examples of type e) are 'In conclusion', 'Finally'

With regard to type d),
i) note my explanation of the use of 'on the contrary' in section 2. of this page.
ii) note also that at the beginning of sentences, 'though', 'although', and 'even though' are only used to introduce subordinate clauses (従属節). This use of 'although' is correct:
Although nations that oppose whaling insist that it is a conservation issue, pro-whaling nations emphasize the importance of cultural differences.

However, this use of 'though' is incorrect:

If whale numbers continue to increase, this may upset the ecological balance of marine life. Though if we lift all of the restrictions, people might start catching too many whales and endanger them once more .

'On the other hand,' would be a good alternative here.

SG1 Articles (use of 'a', 'an', 'the' or nothing)

This is a difficult and annoying aspect of English. It is a good idea to think about this sometimes when you are reading. In other words, ask yourself why the writer uses 'a' in front of one noun, 'the' in front of another, and nothing at all in front of yet another. This should help you to understand the differences. There are some straightforward explanations at edufind.com (via the Wayback Machine) and in a handout by John R. Kohl. See also my attempt to explain countable and uncountable nouns.

With regard to the use of articles with countable nouns, note the following:

Case A. (Abstract/general rather than specific) "the" or a plural form without "the" can be used, but "a" is not appropriate because it would refer to one only:

The cat is related to the lion and the tiger. (talking about "the cat" as a type of animal)
Cats are related to lions and tigers. (talking about "cats" in general)
(In other words, we are referring to the cat as a concept rather than individual cats.)

We have no way of knowing who invented the wheel. (talking about the wheel as a general class)
We have no way of knowing who invented wheels. (talking about wheels in general)
Again, we are talking in abstract terms.

Case B. (Both abstract/general and specific meanings are possible.) either "the" or "a" or a plural form without "the" can be used:

The cat is a popular pet. (talking about "the cat" as a type of animal)
Cats are popular pets. (talking about "cats" in general)
A cat is a popular pet. (talking about an individual cat)
The first two examples are abstract, treating the cat as a concept; the last is specific. The speaker is here referring to one cat being kept as a pet as opposed to cats in the abstract.

We have no way of knowing who first used the wheel. (talking about the wheel as a general class)
We have no way of knowing who first used wheels. (talking about wheels in general)
We have no way of knowing who first used a wheel. (talking about one wheel)
The first two examples are referring to the wheel as a concept; the last is specific. The speaker is referring to the actual use of one wheel as opposed to wheels in the abstract.

Note when plural without "the" would be preferred (general), when "the" + plural would be preferred (specific), and when both (that is, either general or specific interpretations) would be possible:

People should not feed cats unless they are prepared to take full responsibility for them. (general: refers to all cats)
People should not feed cats that live on city streets/the cats that live on city streets unless they are prepared to take full responsibility for them. (either general or specific: "cats" refers to all cats that live on city streets; "the cats" to those that live on city streets rather than those that live elsewhere)
People should not feed the cats that live on this street unless they are prepared to take full responsibility for them. (specific: refers to the cats that live on this street rather than cats that live elsewhere)

In certain areas, it is not unusual for wheels to be stolen. (general: refers to any wheels)
In certain areas, it is not unusual for wheels/the wheels to be stolen from parked cars during the night. (either general or specific:"wheels" refers to wheels in general and does not necessarily mean all four wheels; "the wheels" implies all four wheels. )
In certain areas, it is not unusual for the wheels of parked cars to be stolen during the night. (refers specifically to all four wheels)

For some quizzes, click easy (by Charles Kelly), or difficult (by Colleen Weldele).

SG2 Agreement

In the following sentences, what needs to 'agree'?

1. Some aspects of this opinion is right.

2. The number of whales have decreased to a dangerous level.

3. How much do we know about whales? I assume that we all know that it is a mammal that lives in the sea.

4. People who support whaling claims that it is an important part of Japanese culture.

5. Some countries, including Japan, argues that restrictions on whaling should be lifted.

6.Before long, the United States are likely to be overtaken by China as the most powerful country in the world.

7. Today Japan does not engage in whaling as much as they did in the past.

8. When I lived in England, people ask me many questions about Japan.

9. When I am living in England, people asked me many questions about Japan.

Answers: 1. are ('aspects' is the subject [主語]); 2. has ('number' is the subject); 3. they are mammals that live (the question talks about 'whales' in the plural [複数]); 4. claim ('people' is the subject); 5. argue ('countries' is the subject); 6. is ('the United States' is singular (単数); 7. it (Japan is the subject); 8. asked (both verbs should be in the past); 9. was living (both verbs should be in the past).

Please note that nouns for organizations such as 'government' or 'the International Whaling Commission' can be treated as either singular or plural, but you must be consistent. In other words, if you write 'The government is...'  in one part of your paper, you must continue to treat 'government' as a singular noun ('The government says/claims/argues', and so on).

Here are two quizzes, an easy one, by Keith S. Folse, and one with explanations from the Capital Community College Foundation.

SG3a Abbreviations

It is acceptable to use abbreviations such as 'the UN' or 'NHK'. In the case of the abbreviation for a less well known organization, you should give the complete name when you first mention it, with the abbreviation in brackets (for example, 'the International Whaling Commission (IWC)'). After that, you can just write 'the IWC'. However, in formal written English it is not acceptable to use abbreviated verb forms such as 'don't' ('do not') or 'they're gonna' ('they are going to'), or the sort of shortened words which you might use when writing notes (for example, 'etc.').

SG4 (or SG5) Spelling

Use spellcheck (in the case of MSWord, click ツール and then　文章校正), but note that it is not completely reliable. For example, it cannot tell you that you should write 'cannot' rather than 'can not' or distinguish between 'there' and 'their'; 'to', 'too' and 'two'; 'fair' and 'fare'; 'sight' and 'site' etc. However, even native speakers of English make spelling mistakes.

Note also the following:

Accidents occur every day.
Accidents are an everyday occurrence. ('everyday' is an adjective (形容詞)

You might try this quiz, and this one (both from the Capital Community College's Guide to Grammar & Writing). (Do not worry too much about 'it's' and 'they're', since these are abbreviated forms which should not be used in academic writing anyway.)

Other items: Incomplete sentences

What is wrong here?

People oppose whaling for many different reasons. For example because they do not understand the importance of whales to other cultures, or because they believe the propaganda of organizations such as Greenpeace.

Since 'because' introduces subordinate clauses　(従属節), it always needs a main clause (主節). To correct the above, you could join the incomplete sentence to the previous sentence ('for many reasons such as because...'), or make the incomplete sentence into a complete sentence ('For example, it may be because...').

Tense etc.

For verb forms, see this page.