BIG and little Jokes archive
(Spring 2005)

These are funny because the message always has a double meaning. The first one has been explained.
Comments in green are by the dog.

1. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

I don't know. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

'You're too young to smoke!'

Why is that a joke?

If you look up the verb 'smoke' in a good dictionary, you will find that it is normally a transitive verb (他動詞), as in 'smoke a cigarette', but that it can also be intransitive, as in 'That chimney is smoking' (in other words, smoke is coming out of that chimney). In this joke, both meanings of 'smoke' are being used. Smoke comes out of chimneys, but the little chimney is 'too young to smoke' because in most countries there are age restrictions on smoking.

Dogs don't smoke like chimneys or like human beings. Can't we have a joke about something really interesting, like bones or rubber balls?

2. What did the big public phone box say to the little mobile phone?

I don't know. What did the big public phone box say to the little mobile phone?

'You're too young to be engaged!'

No one has designed a phone for use with paws, so dogs aren't very interested in them. Are you sure you don't know any big/little jokes about bones or rubber balls?

3. What did the big candle say to the little candle?

I don't know. What did the big candle say to the little candle?

'You're too young to go out by yourself!'

Dogs have no use for candles at all. During the night, we are either asleep, hunting, or on watch in the dark. No one makes us birthday cakes, and matches are difficult with paws.

4. What did the big tent say to the little tent?

I don't know. What did the big tent say to the little tent?

'You're too young to stay up all night!'

Dogs have no use for tents either. We are quite happy sleeping outside, under the stars.

5. What did the big maths book say to the little maths book?

I don't know. What did the big maths book say to the little maths book?

'You're too young to have so many problems!'

Maths books? Problems? Dogs have no use for maths, and they don't often have problems either. (Perhaps that's because they have no use for maths.) My only problem is the fact that you have yet to tell a joke that is of interest to me as a dog.

6. What did the big star say to the little star?

I don't know. What did the big star say to the little star?

'You're too young to stay out all night!'

This is obviously a mixture of the tent staying up and the candle going out. But it still hasn't got much to do with dogs, even though they say that dogs howl to the moon.

7. What did the big tonsils say to the little tonsils?

I don't know. What did the big tonsils say to the little tonsils?

'You're too young for the doctor to take out!'

So we've had 'stand up', 'stay up', 'stay out', 'go out', and now 'take out'. If I wasn't a dog, I'd think you were trying to teach me English.

8. What did the big firework say to the little firework?

I don't know. What did the big firework say to the little firework?

'My pop is bigger than your pop!'

Dogs hate fireworks, you know. We hate the the sudden bangs. In fact, as far as we are concerned, the smaller the pop, the better. (In any case, if we're bred as pets, we rarely know who our fathers are. This link will tell you about the problem of puppy farms in the UK; this one will give you lots of information about how to care for puppies. )

9. What did the big lamppost say to the little signpost?

I don't know. What did the big lamppost say to the little signpost?

'Don't you know that it's rude to point?'

Dogs are definitely interested in lampposts and signposts. But we don't need signposts to help us find the way. We follow our noses instead.

10. What did the big hand say to the little hand?

I don't know. What did the big hand say to the little hand?

'I'll be back in an hour!'

I really thought this might be the joke I have been waiting for. Dogs are interested in hands. We like sniffing and licking them, and sometimes they give us food. I even hoped it would be a joke about food, but it's a different kind of joke entirely. Dogs are known for their patient loyalty, but mine is not going to last much longer.

11. What did the big lift say to the little lift?

I don't know. What did the big lift say to the little lift?
'Lift'? You're lucky I'm a British dog. If I'd been raised in America, I probably wouldn't understand what 'lift' means (or the proper meaning of words like 'pants' and 'bathroom').

'I think I'm going down with something!'

The lift may be going down with something, but something else is going up - my blood pressure! I've been sitting here the whole term, and you still haven't produced a joke that will make me fall off my deck-chair with laughter - or even produce a slight giggle.

12. What did the big old shoe say to the little old shoe?

I don't know. What did the big old shoe say to the little old shoe?

My sole is hol(e)ier than your sole!

This is funny, but also contains a profound truth. Shoes contain such marvellous smells. When a puppy's teeth are growing, there's nothing more comforting than a good chew at a shoe that smells of a loved one. But people don't understand this and get angry. I remember being very upset when people in my family did not understand that when I chewed their favorite shoes it was really an act of love. As this joke reveals, to chew a shoe is to give it a blessing of devotion. This joke was worth waiting for, and I hope that at least one dog-owner will see it.