General Feedback on Study Skills Essays

Most of these were of a high standard! I was very impressed.

Strengths:

There were good introductions that began with general statements and ended with strong thesis statements, and sometimes with references to the main supporting points. The supporting points were clearly explained and included reliable evidence. The conclusions summarized the thesis statements and supporting ponts, and often ended in messages to the readers. Most students remembered to give a reference, and many gave more than one.

Weaknesses:

Format
Some students are still having problems with indenting paragraphs (all paragraphs, not only the introduction) (EF3), and double spacing(EF5). Some students forgot "," after transition words at the beginning of sentences (EF6). Some students forgot to give a reference, or did not give it correctly (EF7).

Structure and content
Some students had a question instead of a thesis statement. This might be acceptable in a presentation, but it is not acceptable in an essay. The other main problem was with conclusions. Some were too short. If this applies to you, have a look at the conclusions in the model essays in the two textbooks.

Grammar
The main problems were SG1, SG2 and SG3. Please check these carefully when you read through your work, and when you peer-edit. It should be possible to detect and eliminate SG2 and SG3 problems. It should also be possible to eliminate at least some SG1 problems. When you get your essay back, please look at any SG1, SG2 or SG3 mistakes that you made and see what you think. Could you have detected these yourself? If so, next time...

Unity/Coherence
The main problem here was not using enough transitions. Remember that the reader does not know what you intend to say next. Transitions are a way of helping the reader to understand the direction of your thoughts so that they can read the essay without having to stop and check that they are following you correctly.

Style
Many of you used presentation style in the essay. I have not deducted points for this, but please notice how I have made your English more "academic". If you check pp. 46-47 of the Study Skills textbook, you will see the main differences. Do not address the reader directly as "you". Try to avoid "I think", "In my opinion". There are many expressions that you can use instead to make your opinions seem more "objective".

When you are talking about Japan or the Japanese, it is also not a good idea to say "our country" or "we", because this also suggests that you are identifying with the Japanese point of view rather than being objective and trying to understand all points of view equally. Instead, you should write "Japan", "the Japanese", "Japanese people" etc. (In addition, of course, a reader from the U.K., like me, may think that "our country" means "the U.K." rather than Japan...)

I hope this is helpful. If you have any queries, do not hesitate to send me an e-mail.