General Feedback on Study Skills Essays
Most of these were of a high standard! I was very impressed.
Strengths:
There were good introductions that began with general statements and ended
with strong thesis statements, and sometimes with references to the main
supporting points. The supporting points were clearly explained and included
reliable evidence. The conclusions summarized the thesis statements and
supporting ponts, and often ended in messages to the readers. Most students
remembered to give a reference, and many gave more than one.
Weaknesses:
Format
Some students are still having problems with indenting paragraphs (all
paragraphs, not only the introduction) (EF3), and double spacing(EF5).
Some students forgot "," after transition words at the beginning
of sentences (EF6). Some students forgot to give a reference, or did not
give it correctly (EF7).
Structure and content
Some students had a question instead of a thesis statement. This might
be acceptable in a presentation, but it is not acceptable in an essay.
The other main problem was with conclusions. Some were too short. If this
applies to you, have a look at the conclusions in the model essays in the
two textbooks.
Grammar
The main problems were SG1, SG2 and SG3. Please check these carefully when
you read through your work, and when you peer-edit. It should be possible
to detect and eliminate SG2 and SG3 problems. It should also be possible
to eliminate at least some SG1 problems. When you get your essay back,
please look at any SG1, SG2 or SG3 mistakes that you made and see what
you think. Could you have detected these yourself? If so, next time...
Unity/Coherence
The main problem here was not using enough transitions. Remember that the
reader does not know what you intend to say next. Transitions are a way
of helping the reader to understand the direction of your thoughts so that
they can read the essay without having to stop and check that they are
following you correctly.
Style
Many of you used presentation style in the essay. I have not deducted points
for this, but please notice how I have made your English more "academic".
If you check pp. 46-47 of the Study Skills textbook, you will see the main
differences. Do not address the reader directly as "you". Try
to avoid "I think", "In my opinion". There are many
expressions that you can use instead to make your opinions seem more "objective".
When you are talking about Japan or the Japanese, it is also not a good
idea to say "our country" or "we", because this also
suggests that you are identifying with the Japanese point of view rather
than being objective and trying to understand all points of view equally.
Instead, you should write "Japan", "the Japanese",
"Japanese people" etc. (In addition, of course, a reader from
the U.K., like me, may think that "our country" means "the
U.K." rather than Japan...)
I hope this is helpful. If you have any queries, do not hesitate to send
me an e-mail.